It won't make my life better, it won't grant me happiness - it will only fulfill empty impulses/urges. Why not - I feel that it's ultimately pointless. Have I actually gone through with this manipulation.no. I just look at a person and decide if he/she is my tool. There are weak people I could manipulate to do my bidding, and I can tell this just by looking at them. I'm also not the type who seeks out videos of people being killed/beaten/etc.Īside from the violence, me viewing people as "prey" is something that also disturbs me. I often think the violence in movies/video games is too ridiculous for anyone to get used to real life violence. People might say it's a desensitization towards violence, but I don't know. Would I react differently if I was participating in the act somehow (as the victim/perpetrator/direct observe), I don't know. Not sure if that's a normal way to react to the death of a close family member, but that's how I reacted. The only close family member who's died is my aunt, who basically lived with me for like 15 years, and it only bothered me for a day: I basically locked my room, read a book, then the next day I was over it. The only evil acts that do bother me are crimes against children, animals and sex crimes. The only thing I'd wonder is why did he kill his coworkers when he should've only killed his boss/upper management instead? With terrorism, I wonder why do they attack all those civilians when it makes more sense to attack the actual fighting force? If someone were to shoot up his office, I wouldn't feel anything. Yet I feel nothing about all that spilled blood. Are they bad acts, yes I think they are, there's no point in killing innocent people. People I know are horrified by horrible acts of violence (school shootings, senseless killings, terrorism, beatings, torture, etc), but I feel nothing when it comes to that stuff. When I think about, evil acts don't bother me. Honestly, when I think about it, I can see other people as "prey" rather than "equals." These are my natural desires, my natural instincts - I always need to push them away so I can stop thinking about them. With that said, I have these urges to be destructive, hurtful, manipulative, evil. Sure, I've done bad things, some things I shouldn't have done, but at the end of the day people will still consider me "good." In fact I'm a nice person who's always willing to help people, and I'm generally more willing to negotiate rather than fight. I've not really done anything bad in my life. A demon who's the real me just waiting to come out. I feel there is something evil trapped inside me I'm always fighting off.
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